So many days
by Im The Green Fairy
Summary: Ephram has had it, with this, with life. He goes to a mountain to jump but instead finds a will to live. (suicide issues)
1. Prolouge

Prolouge: Ephram stumbled and fell, the bottle of beer slightly spilling onto the white rocks beneath him. He'd only had two, but it was enough to impair his judgment. His chest heaved, lungs unaware of how hard it would be to climb in the thin mountain air. As he looked over the mountain, he was in awe...it was so beautiful. Only for a moment, though, did he pause. Only for a moment, did he find a will to live. "Damn, its cold." And the moment was gone. 


	2. The note

Note: I don't own Everwood, although I wish the ever sexy Ephram was mine. This has two curses in it, don't read if it'll get ya in trouble. This is my first fanfic. Please read and review!  
  
Chapter 1 I guess this is my suicide note. Haha, I never was too good at English, isn't it ironic? Like that Alanis Morissette song. Whatever. Ok, this is my note to everybody in general. In this whole stupid town, to everybody who looks at me and pities me. To everybody who whispers behind my back, to everybody who calls me 'the freak with the purple hair'. Fuck you. But anyway... here's a little insight into my head. Maybe you'll learn something. Yeah, my mom bought it. Yeah, my dad is a nutcase. Hell, tell me something I don't know. Or wait. That's my job. Here's what happened that day...the car crash.  
  
I was late getting up, I had to grab jeans from the dirty clothes and wear my nightshirt. Although, I opened my boxers drawer and they were all neatly pressed, sitting next to the clean socks.  
  
"That is so Mom," I thought, although I was secretly glad that she did stuff like that for me. My mom yelled at me that I was running late, even though I already knew that. I took the bus to school, managing to withstand the morons on the bus by putting on my headphones and listening to some of the old nirvana. School was ok, I managed not to fail an english test and I didn't have any homework in biology. I remember because I knew something was wrong that day. Oh, crap spilled some booze on the paper. Anyway, my friend Jeff gave me a ride to the concert. He was always joking about me being mozart or whatever, saying that the piano was for preppy pricks, even though he was my ride to every recital. He came every time, which is something my dad never did. I warmed up with the scales backstage, going thru my good luck rituals and all that. I used to look behind the curtain to see if mom and dad were there. I stopped that when I was about 12. I already knew the answer: Mom was always sitting by herself, an empty seat reserved with a coat in case my father decided to show up.  
  
Anyway, I played great that day. I got a standing O, something that happens a lot at high school piano recitals but still makes you feel good. I looked into the crowd while bowing, and I was shocked to see my dad standing on the sides. I couldn't see him that well. But I could tell that he was crying.  
  
As I left the stage, he ran to the wings. He told me, he told me that Mom was in a car crash. That she was dying. She was going to come see me play.  
  
I couldn't cry that day, or the days following. I cried at the funeral, though. There was only one phrase running through my mind: It was my fault.  
  
  
  
Now I'm in this stupid small town, but not for long. No, I'm leaving. For good. I'm putting all these stupid notes in a envelope along with the notes for amy ...delia...colin...bright...wendell...and lastly, my father. You all need to know some things.  
  
Cya, small town losers. Sincerely, Ephram Brown. 


	3. For Amy

Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Amy, this one is for you. I wish that you hadn't come along, and yet I think its one of the best things that's happened to me, especially since I came to this moronic town. Of course, that was until you convinced my father to operate on your boyfriend and you dropped me so fast my head spun. That hurt, Amy, it really did. And then you left me at the party just to be busted by the cops? Maybe, maybe, I wouldn't be here if you hadn't hurt me so bad, but I can't blame you. Not just because it wasn't all your fault, but because what kind of 'good friend' would I be if my last words to you were words of blame? Remember, Amy, I'm the only friend that showed up at the hospital? Remember, I'm the good friend that you dont wanna kiss, you just wanna tease and lead on?  
  
I know that you're hurting because of Colin. I also know that *I'm* hurting because of Colin. As far as I can tell, he's a jerk. He brought the alcohol to Bright, He provided the truck to Bright, and he won't even tell you that he loves you. And now that he doesn't remember you, now that you've been told not to hang on to his every last breath, you think that you can treat me like crap now? Well, newsflash, ya can't.  
  
But, of course, there's always the good stuff. The way you smiled at my sarcastic comments, the way you flip your hair and act all girly, the fact that I was in love with you. The problem is, you see, there are 2 rules to love. 1, you can't love someone that doesn't love you back. Its unrequited, and it blows big time. 2, you can't love someone when you don't love yourself.  
  
So I guess I'll leave you with those profound words of wisdom, or some crap like that, for the rest of your life. Remember the rules, it'll make you a lot happier and a lot less bitter later in life.  
  
Love Ham 


	4. That Day

A/N: Hey y'all! Thanks for the killer reviews. Y'all rock. Please r/r, I'm goin' with this format....One chapter is storytelling, the next is a note, next is storytelling, so on and so on. Short storytelling, longer notes, I think. Do you want me to write lots of chapters, or just a couple more and get it all over with? Input, please!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Ephram took another drink from his bottle and set it down. His head was beginning to throb, probably more from the alcohol than the situation in front of him. He saw it as the only way out, to jump, to end this life.  
  
When he thought about all the stupid things he had done in his lifetime, it made him want to shoot himself.  
  
Even when he was a baby, he would just go into a rage and nobody could calm him, they could just wait out the screaming. The only odd thing was, he would never throw anything or toss himself on the floor, wailing and beating the carpet. He would just lock himself in a closet and scream bloody murder. Twice, the neighbors called the cops because they thought a child was being abused, but all the police would find was Julia and Andy sitting on Ephram's bed, waiting for the screaming to stop.  
  
As he thought about it, remembering screaming until he couldn't talk anymore, he couldn't remember why he did it, why he tortured his parents by throwing the fits.  
  
It didn't just stop at the fits, about once a month he would steal something or get into a fight. Of course, this all got worse after his mom died. He would pocket small items at the store, a comb or some food, just to get the thrill. He never got caught, luckily, because of course that would of made his arrest the other day a lot harder to get out of.  
  
He had one more regret, though, the biggest regret of all, something that happened about a week before his father decided to move to Colorado, something that made him sick every time he thought about it. He lay back on the rock, staring into the winter sun, and contemplated the rebel-hood of his past.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Next, comes a chapter of his note to........ Bright! Then, a chapter explaining what happened...the big moment of rebel-hood. :) Hope you enjoy, don't forget to review it. 


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